The sad reality of the single life

Being single can be a lot of fun...true story. I can spend my money however I want, hang out with whoever I want...essentially, I can do whatever I want without having to check in with someone else. In spite of this, there are certain aspects about being single that I really hate. My biggest sorrow is forming friendships with people just to watch them leave my life forever...well, maybe not forever. There are definitely friendships that I have made that continue to this day and probably will last forever, but usually when people move on, regular contact ceases, except of course to congratulate them on their engagement, pregnancy, and yearly birthday wishes (all made possible by facebook, of course). This is not due to lack of caring or negligence on anyone's part...you can just only have so many really close friends. Maintaining a close friendship with everyone you ever form any relationship with would be extremely time consuming. All the same, it is a sad reality, and it is even worse with guy friends, I think. Close friendships with girls, I have found, really can last through marriages, pregnancies, and almost anything, because I am also a girl. With guys, I have a hard time maintaining a friendship when they become involved with someone, particularly when they get married. Maybe this is just me, but I don't feel like I can hang out or even have a meaningful relationship with a guy when he is with another girl, regardless of whether or not I am secretly in love with him. That really is irrelevant...what matters is that this girl he is with will now slowly, but almost surely (especially in Mormon culture, we don't like to waste time), become the single most important person to him, as she should be really. I just feel incredibly awkward trying to have even a platonic friendship with them (and I think that really is just my own neurosis, I know several girls who do not have a problem with this).

I guess the best thing I can hope for is that everyone I meet and grow to love has been in my life at a specific time for a specific reason, to teach me something. This past week, someone actually asked me what it means when people say "Everything happens for a reason." He felt that it was a weird phrase and thought it was ridiculous that we would assume there is a specific reason for everything that happens. I told him that it is a phrase people like to tell themselves to make themselves feel better when something bad happens because maybe out of that bad thing, something good happened. Whether or not this is true, it helps everyone maintain some level of sanity to assume that life isn't random. So maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better, but I cannot believe that life is random. I believe that everyone I can call my friend has had an immeasurable amount of influence on the person I am and will become. I cannot wait to find a friendship that will last for eternity, a friend who will never leave my life...ever (all you single mormon kids know what I'm talking about). I like to think that maybe when this life is over, we will be able to see everyone we ever cared for and it will be one big, amazing reunion. Until then, I am so grateful for everyone who has been a part of my journey. I know I have gained something I would have never received without your presence in my life.